This post has been sitting in my drafts for months and has been deleted and rewritten many times. At times I convinced myself to forget about it all together. But it is something that for months has been on my mind and I want to share.
Being a Stay at Home Mom is not for me.
I think there is so much judgment in that statement it is hard for many to say and if they do there is that instant guilt that comes with it. But I refuse to feel guilty over it. Every single one of us is different, our personalities, our needs/wants, our families so why feel guilty?
I live in Canada where we are beyond lucky to get a full year of paid maternity leave and the majority of us take that full year off. I did when I had Avery and truly loved that time with her but something was missing near the last bit of my leave. Like any new Mom, my return to work was filled with anxiety of the unknown. Will my child hate me for leaving them with a stranger for 40+ hours a week? How will I balance working and taking care of my family? You loose a huge sense of control giving your kid(s) to strangers (at first) and that is scary.
It was within a couple week of going back to work that I realized something huge. I realized that missing piece of my puzzle. I was my career. I missed work. I promise, I am sober writing this 😉
A couple things to note at this point. My dayhome is amazing and Avery had no adjustment issues, from day one she loved it there. Two – my work? Equally amazing and we have a family first policy so never have I had to pick work over a child that needed me.
Fast-forward to when we found out I was pregnant again. I knew instantly that that a full maternity leave was not going to happen again. I will admit that the fact that my maternity leave should have ended in March played a huge role too. I mean a 9-12 month old and 3 year old at home in the winter when I go stir crazy if we don’t get out daily? Not for us.
I am sure many people questioned if I would go through with this and I got a few odd looks when I would tell people happily “I am going back to work three months early”. Usually people assumed it was for financial reasons and while that was a perk it was not one of the top reasons I chose to go back early.
I put myself first.
I strongly believe that in order to be a good Mom you need to sometimes put yourself first. A tired, cranky and unhappy person can’t equal a happy and content Mom. This is why I went back to work early – self-care.
Did I feel guilty over leaving Chloe at 9 months to go and work? Of course, I did! But I also know it will not scar her for life and she certainly will never hate for me doing so.
I am in on my third week back to work now and guess what? My kids still love me! Most days Avery cries to leave dayhome – and those are the only tears we see. Not only are the girls beyond happy at dayhome I am happy to be back at work. It is a win-win for US.
So to the Mom(s) out there that love their job and have their kids in care- do not feel guilty. We can be working Moms and still be great Moms – and for some of us, better Moms.
These two little souls are my everything, regardless of the hours I spend with them: