Hope everyone has had a good start to their week I am SO ready for this long weekend and hoping my headaches take a hike for it. Today I wanted to talk about something that everyone deals with, few people talk about and something I am finding really hard lately – body image.
A quick background (for those of you that do not know my “story”):
Growing up I was always on the small side however into my teens I was a tad heavy (not everyone may agree here but I felt I was), into my 20’s I started a workout regime, ate better and loss about 30lbs. Over the next 5 years, through college and university I gained a bit of weight back but that was only 5-10lbs. My first job after university I got sucked into eating out, lots of coffee (and cookie) breaks and soon enough another 5-7lbs came on. In 2009 I got engaged and remember the moment I realized it was time to get back on track – while trying on wedding dresses. Over the next couple of years I worked very hard – worked out lots (too much), trained intensely for races, ate (too) strictly but at the same time felt awesome. I was thin, muscular and thought I was on cloud 9. What I never realized was the havoc I was putting my body through, until I wanted to have a baby. It was then I realized after years of mis-treating and stressing my body out it basically said “I will not let you have a baby”. Last fall, I embarked on my mission to re-gain my health. The first 5lbs was easy, all my clothes fit still and I was happy with the weight gain – I did not have to workout 6 days a week and could treat myself! Then came another 5lbs, I was not so happy. I did not like my new body and saw all the flaws. I never saw all the good things that came at this new and much healthier weight. I wanted to get back “in shape” . In February this ALL changed when I found out I was pregnant.
Where I am I today?
(Almost) 15 weeks pregnant! Something that a year ago was not possible. Was those 10lbs worth it? YES. Is it still hard? YES. How do I deal? Not sure I have an answer here. Until this week I have just felt chubby, bloated and wide. I lost my waist long ago, my boobs got BIG right away (a whole other story) and there was no bump. My clothes still can fit, but nothing looks right, they pull in the wrong places or uncomfortable. I have had many breakdowns looking for something to wear. I did not want to spend tons of money on new clothes but finally realized I had to.
A few days ago something changed, a little (but feel big) bump appeared. All of a sudden that doom and gloom attitude was gone and replaced by pride. I did this. We created a tiny human. I should not be ashamed. For the first time this weekend and today I wore my old fitted tops to show off this little bump and even got compliments. Now I want this bump to grow more! How a week can change things. I think most pregnant ladies go through this stage and wanted to share I did (and still am a bit) too, it is normal feelings I think but we always need to remember why our bodies are changing and how exciting it is. I tried time and time again to remind myself of this over the past couple of months.
The scale is another tricky subject. I would honestly guess I have gained 10lbs if I never weighed myself by the way my body has changed. But I haven’t, I have gained less than half of that. I do not know how often I will weight myself over the next 25 weeks, I do not think it’s a great habit to get (back) into. I want to make sure I have a pregnancy filled with lots of healthy foods, and exercise. So as long as I do these things the best I can, does weight really matter? No.
I am really interested to find out after Baby K how my body reacts. I semi hope I get my Mom’s genes and luck – she walked out of the hospital in her regular jeans! No joke. But on the other hand I am okay to have to work it off. It took 9 months to put on so am remembering not to have too high of expectations.
I guess my point in this while ramble is that we are taught so much that “thin” is how we should all look all the time. When in fact thin is not always healthy nor does it make you happy. I am way more happy today than I as a year ago and 15lbs lighter. It is about perspective knowing what is good for you and your body. I have learnt many lessons on my journey through weight and body image and am really happy to say I learned sooner rather than later.
I could go on forever but will stop there. I want you to leave your thoughts on body image, weight, pregnancy etc. And just to clarify this is not meant to be a poor me/hate my body post, its to share my struggles openly. I am very grateful to be where I am at and be carrying our future child.
Thoughts? Experiences? Please share!