On My Changing Body

Hope everyone has had a good start to their week Smile I am SO ready for this long weekend and hoping my headaches take a hike for it. Today I wanted to talk about something that everyone deals with, few people talk about and something I am finding really hard lately – body image.

A quick background (for those of you that do not know my “story”):

Growing up I was always on the small side however into my teens I was a tad heavy (not everyone may agree here but I felt I was), into my 20’s I started a workout regime, ate better and loss about 30lbs. Over the next 5 years, through college and university I gained a bit of weight back but that was only 5-10lbs. My first job after university I got sucked into eating out, lots of coffee (and cookie) breaks and soon enough another 5-7lbs came on. In 2009 I got engaged and remember the moment I realized it was time to get back on track – while trying on wedding dresses. Over the next couple of years I worked very hard – worked out lots (too much), trained intensely for races, ate (too) strictly but at the same time felt awesome. I was thin, muscular and thought I was on cloud 9. What I never realized was the havoc I was putting my body through, until I wanted to have a baby. It was then I realized after years of mis-treating and stressing my body out it basically said “I will not let you have a baby”. Last fall, I embarked on my mission to re-gain my health. The first 5lbs was easy, all my clothes fit still and I was happy with the weight gain – I did not have to workout 6 days a week and could treat myself! Then came another 5lbs, I was not so happy. I did not like my new body and saw all the flaws. I never saw all the good things that came at this new and much healthier weight. I wanted to get back “in shape” . In February this ALL changed when I found out I was pregnant.

Where I am I today?

(Almost) 15 weeks pregnant! Something that a year ago was not possible. Was those 10lbs worth it? YES. Is it still hard? YES. How do I deal? Not sure I have an answer here. Until this week I have just felt chubby, bloated and wide. I lost my waist long ago, my boobs got BIG right away (a whole other story) and there was no bump. My clothes still can fit, but nothing looks right, they pull in the wrong places or uncomfortable. I have had many breakdowns looking for something to wear. I did not want to spend tons of money on new clothes but finally realized I had to.

A few days ago something changed, a little (but feel big) bump appeared. All of a sudden that doom and gloom attitude was gone and replaced by pride. I did this. We created a tiny human. I should not be ashamed. For the first time this weekend and today I wore my old fitted tops to show off this little bump and even got compliments. Now I want this bump to grow more! How a week can change things. I think most pregnant ladies go through this stage and wanted to share I did (and still am a bit) too, it is normal feelings I think but we always need to remember why our bodies are changing and how exciting it is. I tried time and time again to remind myself of this over the past couple of months.

The scale is another tricky subject. I would honestly guess I have gained 10lbs if I never weighed myself by the way my body has changed. But I haven’t, I have gained less than half of that. I do not know how often I will weight myself over the next 25 weeks, I do not think it’s a great habit to get (back) into. I want to make sure I have a pregnancy filled with lots of healthy foods, and exercise. So as long as I do these things the best I can, does weight really matter? No.

I am really interested to find out after Baby K how my body reacts. I semi hope I get my Mom’s genes and luck – she walked out of the hospital in her regular jeans! No joke. But on the other hand I am okay to have to work it off. It took 9 months to put on so am remembering not to have too high of expectations.

I guess my point in this while ramble is that we are taught so much that “thin” is how we should all look all the time. When in fact thin is not always healthy nor does it make you happy. I am way more happy today than I as a year ago and 15lbs lighter. It is about perspective knowing what is good for you and your body. I have learnt many lessons on my journey through weight and body image and am really happy to say I learned sooner rather than later.

I could go on forever but will stop there. I want you to leave your thoughts on body image, weight, pregnancy etc. And just to clarify this is not meant to be a poor me/hate my body post, its to share my struggles openly. I am very grateful to be where I am at and be carrying our future child.

Lindsey

Thoughts? Experiences? Please share!

24 thoughts on “On My Changing Body

  1. thebexfactor

    I only struggled with body image when I was pregnant before I told people because I felt like I had put on so much weight and that people would wonder what the heck happened to the fitness freak I am. After that all I heard was that I was all baby and how great I looked, etc which is nice but I also think made things worse for me because I kept telling myself, oh I'm all baby I haven't gained much I can afford the extra treats I was craving, and now I'm paying for it. It's been 7 months and I still have 15lbs left to shed until I'm back to my pre-baby weight. I'm so uncomfortable with my body right now, mostly my tummy which on a bad day could probably be bigger than your cute little bump! It really is hard learning to adjust to growing/changing bodies when you work so hard.

    Reply
    1. arunningtale

      I went through that too at the start. I think it is all about learning to appreciate out bodies which is way easier said than done especially when we have a time in the past we are looking to get back to. I know all your hard work will pay off and you will look even better than before Liam 🙂

      Reply
  2. Pam

    Hi Lindsey – sounds like you have a healthy attitude about everything – I'm sure it would be difficult seeing such dramatic changes in your body (even if they are positive ones) when you worked so hard for it before being pregnant. Just wanted to let you know that from the pictures you've posted so far you look great! Looking forward to following along on your journey 🙂

    Reply
    1. arunningtale

      Thanks Pam, that means a ton! I had to share my thoughts since I think they are fairly common and wanted people to know that and that it always gets better 🙂

      Reply
  3. jessielovestorun

    Sweetheart, I will be honest, this post brought me to tears. Knowing the struggles and heartache both you & Chad went through to get where you are today just makes your story so beautiful. You are going to be an incredible Mother <3

    Reply
  4. Jill

    Definitely in the "I hate my body" stage. My little one is almost 7 months and my body literally holds on to extra weight (15lbs)until I'm done breast feeding then it melts away.(happened with my first) Anyways…you look great and you eat right and exercise so you'll get your pre baby body back in no time!

    Reply
    1. arunningtale

      I have heard that before from many Moms! Thanks for the reassurance, its lame to already worry and think about it but I do so had to share my thoughts on that and how I like my body now. I am sure everyone goes through these phases, baby or no baby!

      Reply
  5. Heather

    This is a great post and I'm happy that you are starting to feel comfortable with your baby bump 🙂 I have to say that it can be healthy to be "thin" it is one of my biggest irritants when people tell me I need to eat a hamburger; (uh ya no I don't I eat about 2000 calories a day and some days more thanks!) or that I'm so skinny…no I am healthy. PERIOD. If a person is "thin" and eats the correct amount of calories that their body needs for fuel than there is no reason that "thin" isn't happy healthy and hearty! I've learned over my almost 30 years that it doens't matter what anyone thinks so long as I know that I am healthy and I don't need to explain myself to anyone. I don't workout and eat healthy to be "thin" the purpose of it is to be healthy, prevent disease, and have lots of energy to do the things I love to do. Many people miss the real reason they should be eating well and exercising… it's called LIFE damn it! not looks!

    Reply
    1. arunningtale

      I agree with you too! There are people that are naturally thin not matter what, and I think its great when they workout to be stronger too. And yes working out has many more benefits. I know when I was on my three month hiatus that was the toughest part, not feeling healthy b/c of little activity. My main problem was more over activity and not enough calories in. I doubt it would have changed my actual weight much if I ate more those couple of years but probably would have made a huge difference when it came to other problems. Thanks for sharing!

      Reply
      1. Heather

        P.S. your baby bump is SUPER cute! tee hee!! I told you it would be! 😛 You should "wear" it proudly and flaunt it girly!!

        Reply
  6. Nicole

    I found once I was open about my pregnancy,12-13 weeks, and I could show off the bump in tighter clothes, I felt better about myself. I liked that I didn't have to suck it in all the time and that my bump became more of the focal point. I cared less about other parts of my body because my bump was so cute.

    I was terrified of stretch marks. I lathered on the Body Shop cocoa butter and even used Bio Oil on occasion. I lucked out and didn't get any (I have a few on my hips from puberty). I'm scared for subsequent pregnancies though since I am grateful that my body bounced back fairly easily from my first pregnancy and I'm not sure that will happen again.

    I lived in leggings and tunics/sweaters in the first few months post partum. The leggings (Lulu Wunder Unders) sucked everything in and was super comfortable. Once the weather got nicer, I wore dresses with empire type waists. It made dealing with the post partum body much easier. The hardest part actually about dressing post partum I found was having to accomodate breastfeeding. Sure, you might fit into your clothes, but if you plan to breast feed you still might not be able to wear them all.

    I admit that I workout to look good but I also know & see the health benefits of exercise so that's the long term benefit.

    Reply
    1. arunningtale

      That is about where I am at now that I have popped a bit more, I found between my chest and gaining a couple inches in width I was just looking like I gained weight with no bump!
      I have some from puberty too and always thought I would get them, so if I do, I do but I am using my coconut oil daily usually so hopefully that helps!
      The leggings are the best thing ever! I think on cooler days this summer leggings it will be and then in the fall for sure. I am happy I can transition after baby with leggings to being winter since I doubt much else will fit for a bit.
      I agree – there are lots of reasons to workout. I did it probably for more of the look good factor for a bit and was why I got myself into some trouble. Live and learn though!

      Reply
  7. Tiff

    Oh, I hear ya girl! I'm 15 weeks now, and it's just awkward. My clothes still fit (except the skinny jeans), but I just feel so… how do you say, blehhhhhh. I like to see how my body is changing and adapting, but I think I'll feel much better about it once I have a "real" bump to show for it.

    Reply
  8. Alison

    I hear ya for sure. It's hard seeing the body you worked hard on get soft and round. But it's all worth it and I wouldn't change it for the world. We worked hard to get here and will harder to get a body we are happy with back. 😉

    Reply
  9. Destini

    I can't relate on the whole being pregnant part. But I can on the self image aspect. Having grown up with no weight issues at all, then having some later in my life and having to change my lifestyle to fix it, I know I have self image issues and a constant fear i'll become what I did before, even tho it was for a very short time. I'm in a much better place now. I always tell people when they ask me about the whole weight loss thing and diets that they have to give themselves times to indulge,diets are temporary, but having a healthy mind and healthy food relationship is for long term. Very glad to hear that you are getting it. I know it can be frustrating not being comfortable. I think you look adorable 🙂

    Reply
    1. arunningtale

      Thanks Destini! You are right it is about having that healthy relationship and understanding the difference between unhealthy and healthy behaviors. It is hard right now but getting easier each day!

      Reply
  10. Ambergwtrh

    I can't relate but I can only imagine how hard it would be to deal with your body going through that! I know I always feel really self conscience when I've put on a bit of weight, or feel like I have, but you're right – YOU'RE GROWING A HUMAN! So awesome and not something to be ashamed of at all. Your bump is so cute!

    Reply
    1. arunningtale

      Thank you! Yeah it is more of a shock than anything to see that bump there and no have other body parts really grow too (boobs lol). I am starting to get more and more used to it and think I will only love it more the bigger it gets!

      Reply

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